Imperfection
by Relinquished
Summary: Angels weren’t always perfect, Kaoru being an example. He fell in love with a mortal – a human. Can Rei find it in herself to return the love of an Angel - at all costs? KaoruReiShinji COMPLETE!
1. Chapter One

Imperfection  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own NGE, though I'd really love to own Kaoru!!!  
  
Summary: Angels weren't always perfect, Kaoru being an example. He fell in love with a mortal - a human. Against what odds will this love have to face to prevail? Can Rei ever find it in herself to return the love of an Angel - the one who is her enemy? Kaoru/Rei/Shinji.  
  
---- Introduction -----  
  
The seventeenth Angel, recorded in the Dead Sea Scrolls as Tabris, had surrendered himself to NERV. He would follow them, he would work for them, so long as they did not destroy him. If he was destroyed, Lilith would initiate the Third Impact. Naturally, NERV could not risk that happening just then, as everything had not been finalised as yet.  
  
So Tabris survived, known only to one Ayanami Rei, who was responsible for Tabris' every need. Unbeknownst to Ikari Shinji, who was Tabris' one friend in the mortal world, the seventeenth Angel lived on. All words of professed love forgotten, Shinji too, lived a normal life. Unfortunately, as Fate had let happen, several years later Shinji found out about his friend's continued existence.  
  
---- Chapter One ----  
  
"Ayanami!"  
  
Rei turned around, just as Shinji caught up with her. She was in a hurry to get back to her apartment, as it was due time that Kaoru would be back from HIS school. For safety reasons, Kaoru could not reveal himself to the pilot of Eva 01. If Shinji took it the wrong way, his mentality would definetely be at stake.  
  
"What is it that you want, Ikari?"  
  
"I-I needed to ask you something about the work," Shinji stammered. "A-A- And about NERV too. I kind of had this hunch about our battle plans for the next attack - or whatever."  
  
"That is fine," she replied, carefully selecting her words. "But please make it brief. I am in a hurry. What is it that you want to ask?"  
  
"A-A-About the Third Impact," Shinji spluttered in reply. "What's going to happen, I mean."  
  
"I do not understand."  
  
"Is the Third Impact really going to happen?"  
  
She had to ponder her answer. Commander Ikari hadn't told her anything about that as yet and it was also classified information. She could not breach that rule, not even to Shinji. Finally, she turned away so he wouldn't see her expression.  
  
"I do not know," was all she could say.  
  
Shinji took it as a sign that she didn't want to talk. And she didn't. Muttering a quick goodbye and giving her a small wave, he left. Rei continued her walk towards the apartment block. Already she sensed Kaoru's presence in there. The air was filled with his smell - it was almost like fresh roses. She inhaled deeply. No matter how many times she had encountered this fragrance, she always loved it. It became a part of her lifestyle.  
  
"I am home," she said.  
  
"Welcome home, Rei," a male voice replied.  
  
Nagisa Kaoru sat with a strange wire in his ear. Nestled in his lap was a round, metallic black object that connected with the wires. She went up to Kaoru and peered at the curious object, wondering what it was. Kaoru smiled at her inquisitiveness.  
  
"It is a discman," he informed her. "Or so the lillums say. It plays music not unlike the one Shinji has. Do you want to try it, Rei?"  
  
"No thank you."  
  
Rei straightened, settling her nerves a little. No one but Commander Ikari had EVER called her by her first name. It was always: 'Ayanami this' or 'Ayanami that'. Never Rei. To hear her name roll from the tongue of this young male was oddly satisfying. She liked the way he pronounced her name, almost like he was savouring the feel of it on his tongue.  
  
"Are you hungry, Nagisa?"  
  
"Not particularly, thank you for asking," he said politely. "Unless you are feeling so and prefer some company?"  
  
"That would be - " she fumbled for the right word. " - appreciated."  
  
--------  
  
Asuka Langley Soryu was very annoyed with Shinji that afternoon. Not only did he fail to cook dinner by the time she came home from Hikari's, he was also very moody. As in VERY moody. Not the usual 'okay-I'm-feeling-guilty- about-Kaoru's-death-so-I'm-going-to-mope-about-it' moody, but the moody that told the German girl that he was having girl problems.  
  
MAJOR girl problems.  
  
It would never be her, so she wasn't really concerned. But the fact that it may be the Wondergirl or maybe Misato or Hikari really DID bother her. She was the jealous type, she'd have to admit, and she definetely did not mind a little competition, just for the fun of it. She wanted to delve deeper into this case of 'Ikari's-major-girl-problem'.  
  
"Hey, idiot," she called through his door. "I'm coming in."  
  
Shinji was lying in his bed, still dressed in his school uniform, his SDAT still in his ears. He had been listening to it ever since he got home. He hadn't even EATEN since breakfast that morning, and it was now ten at night. She pulled out one earplug demandingly.  
  
"What do you want?" he yelped as she brought her hand over the back of his head.  
  
"Well," she replied heatedly. "You've got problems."  
  
"I don't know what you mean."  
  
"YES YOU DO!" she plopped herself down and faced him. "Now just tell me about it. It's about Wondergirl, isn't it?"  
  
Shinji turned away so Asuka could not see his expression. It would not do if she saw just how weak he still was, even after he told her he wasn't. After he had stood up and yelled at her like that, he wasn't going to give in. Why couldn't he tell Rei his feelings?  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
Asuka sighed. This was going to be harder than she thought. If Shinji couldn't even open up to HER about his problems, how the hell was he supposed to tell the girl he liked about his feelings? Boys would be boys, she thought resignedly, if they were too scared to admit something, they'd spend the rest of their lives lonely and miserable.  
  
"I know you like Wondergirl," she told him with exaggerated patience. "So why don't you just tell her? It's not like she can laugh in your face or anything."  
  
"Just go away."  
  
"Fine!" Asuka yelled. She got up from his bed and stormed towards the door. "Deny all you want! You'll just be a miserable old man until the day you die!"  
  
She flung open the door while Pen-Pen walked past, having obviously come from the bathroom. With a quick glance at Asuka's face, he walked right back into his fridge and closed the door. She took a step outside.  
  
"Wait."  
  
--------  
  
Major Katsuragi stroked the photo on her desk fondly. Her mind drank in every single detail of the person's face. The angular set of his jaws, the stubble running across his tanned cheeks, and the almost goofy grin forever plastered to his face. This was Kaji, possibly the only man she had ever truly loved. Her first boyfriend, first lover and the first person she had ever killed who was close to her.  
  
"I told you so," Ritsuko had said. "You still love him a lot, even if he is like your father."  
  
Maybe I do, she thought miserably. Even so, it's too late now. Kaji is dead. If she hadn't open fire on him like that, if she had listened to what he had to say first, maybe she wouldn't have killed him. But then, she wouldn't have been doing what her job required of her and she would be fired - or killed by another member of NERV.  
  
. . . I didn't want to kill him . . .  
  
. . . but I didn't have a choice . . .  
  
. . . I'm sorry Kaji . . .  
  
"It's time to go, Major Katsuragi," a passerby, and colleague, informed her. "Your shift's over. Commander Ikari said he'll call if NERV had an emergency."  
  
Misato Katsuragi smiled at the person tiredly and yawned. Maybe all she needed right now was a hot shower and a nice long sleep. Some beer wouldn't hurt either. Alcohol would do her depression some good. Her colleague saluted her in a friendly way and left.  
  
"Yeah . . . see ya later."  
  
Tabris was right . . .  
  
. . . lillums WERE strange.  
  
---- End of Chapter One ----  
  
A/N: hey-hey!!!  
  
This is my first Evangelion fic so I hope you all enjoyed it! I'd like to keep to the storyline a bit, even if I DID make it so that Kaoru wasn't dead and all. As you might have guessed, I'm not much of an Asuka/Shinji, Misato/Shinji or Kaoru/Shinji fan. I personally think that Kaoru and Rei make a cute couple. Then again, it might be just me.  
  
I don't get what the End of Evangelion was about. I watched it the other day, right, but it just didn't make sense to me. Can someone explain please? 


	2. Chapter Two

Imperfection  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own NGE (but Kaoru is ONE HOT DUDE!!!!)  
  
---- Chapter Two ----  
  
Rei sat across the table from Kaoru. They were eating dinner together, at this restaurant a little isolated from the province of Tokyo-3. At this place, they could relax and not think about keeping his being alive a secret. No one knew them here, yet Rei could not help but feel a bit edgy. Why hadn't she told Shinji this afternoon about what she knew?  
  
Kaoru forked his dinner without much enthusiasm. He could feel that Rei was uncomfortable about something or other and it had to do with him, in some way or other. They weren't all that close, but maybe he could try and get her to talk to him. That way, he could understand her a little better and they might be able to be more comfortable around each other. After all, they WERE living together at the moment.  
  
"So, are you concerned about Shinji?"  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
Rei's voice was slightly surprised, as if she hadn't been expecting the question. Kaoru sighed and repeated his question slowly. Rei looked down at her plate for a long while, not really wanting to answer. Kaoru chewed a bit of steak, watching her expression carefully.  
  
"I know you are worried about Shinji," he told her after he had swallowed. "Why do you not just tell him about the Third Impact you lilims are planning? He is, after all, an Eva pilot."  
  
"I could not," she replied dully. "It was against my orders."  
  
"So you would rather Shinji be kept in the dark about this?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why do you have to pretend, Rei?" Kaoru's normally good natured voice was gone and, in its place, he spoke in a steely tone. "Shinji WILL find out sooner or later and he will be yet again betrayed. You know about the Third Impact and yet you will not disclose information."  
  
Rei flinched inwardly at his harsh tone. He had NEVER spoken to her like he was angry with her before. She fought the sudden urge to bury her face in her hands. It was not a good thing to do at the time. Kaoru had put down his fork and was looking intently at her. It was then she noticed just how dark his eyes REALLY were, and just how red. They were the colour of blood, in a more brilliant shade than her own. He was right. Why DIDN'T she tell Shinji what she knew?  
  
"I cannot do it," she murmured. "I am to be the cause of the Third Impact, as is my destiny, but I cannot tell Ikari so. I am confused."  
  
"Do you hold feelings for Shinji?"  
  
"I do not understand."  
  
"Do you feel as if you are complete, with Shinji around? How does he make you feel?"  
  
" - like I am a human and not some creation," she answered after some thought. "What does that mean, Nagisa?"  
  
"I believe . . ." he began. Then he smiled. "You may learn to love Shinji."  
  
Love. Kaoru had said the word she had never experienced before. One of the only emotions she had never, ever felt firsthand. If she was falling in love with Shinji, then why was it that she felt a bitter feeling in her mouth when Kaoru told her so? Shouldn't she be happy, or even mildly embarrassed? Why was it that she didn't want to hear it directly from Kaoru's lips?  
  
"Love Ikari? It is ridiculous."  
  
"Not as ridiculous as wandering around, denying all facts, Rei."  
  
"If you say so, Nagisa."  
  
--------  
  
"Wait."  
  
Asuka turned to face the bed again. Shinji was sitting up, but his eyes were glued to his lap. His hands were fidgeting with the S-DAT phones almost distractedly. She sighed. Maybe he WAS starting to grow up now.  
  
"I don't know how to tell her."  
  
"How to tell her you like her, you mean?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"It's easy. Just get your sorry arse over to her apartment, ring the bell and say: Rei I love you when she opens the door. Got it, idiot?"  
  
Shinji nodded, but he still looked a little down in the dumps. Asuka sighed. He wasn't exactly what she would call BRAVE or anything and he definetely wasn't like HER. He wouldn't be the type to say something out loud and sound like he really didn't care if he made a fool of himself.  
  
"Listen," she sighed impatiently, "if you don't tell her soon, the doll will be hogged by someone else. Do you want that to happen? You do want to be the one she has her first kiss with, don't you? Well, that's never gonna happen if you just sit there and mope all day."  
  
"I get it, Asuka, but Ayanami is just so hard to get close to," Shinji said desperately. "She just looks at me in this way that I-I don't have the nerve to get close to her."  
  
"Girls have that sometimes." Asuka nodded profusely. "A barrier. Now this is straying a little off topic, so I'm just gonna say to you: get a move on. You don't want Wondergirl to think that you don't like her . . . do you?"  
  
"Yes, Asuka."  
  
--------  
  
Outside the door, Misato smiled at Pen-Pen knowingly. The little penguin toddled past, having just come out of the bathroom to listen to the conversation the two teens were having, and helped himself to some of the food in the grocery bags. Misato bit down a shriek and flapped her arms in his direction, shooing him away.  
  
"I'll come with you tomorrow and we'll tell her together," Asuka's voice said. She came out of Shinji's room and held the door open for a little longer. Then, she closed it resignedly with a loud 'bang!'.  
  
"So . . . Shinji's having girl problems?" Misato asked curiously as the German teen threw herself down onto a chair. Asuka gave her an exasperated look.  
  
"He likes the First Child," she explained, as if Shinji were just plain childish. "But idiot there just doesn't know how to tell her. Can you believe it? Men!"  
  
"I know . . ." Misato replied, rolling her eyes. "Men can be sooo ignorant and foolish."  
  
--------  
  
Kaoru leaned against the wall in the apartment, brow furrowed and obviously thinking very hard. From what he could tell, Lilith was trapped in Central Dogma at the Geofront because Ikari Gendo wanted to use her and Rei to initiate the Third Impact. He wanted to become God himself. They had used the Lance of Longinus to defeat his fellow Angel, Arael (A/N: was it Arael that Rei used the Lance of Longinus against???) and so Lilith had fully grown.  
  
"Lilith is the key to the human instrumentality project," he murmured. "She is humanity's mother and invaluable to SEELE and to NERV."  
  
The door slid open and Rei, dressed in nothing bar a towel, stepped out. Kaoru said nothing, but handed her some spare clothing which she put on. Then she joined him, arms almost stiffly at her sides, not meeting his eyes. They didn't speak for a long while.  
  
Almost suddenly, Rei reached for his hand and he looked at her, surprise showing in his eyes faintly. She stared back almost defiantly, before laying her head on his shoulder. Then, he heard her starting to cry. Rei - crying? This was impossible. She NEVER cried and creations weren't made to do so.  
  
"Kaoru . . ." she whimpered, pulling herself against him. "Ikari will hate me if I tell him. I don't know what to do . . ."  
  
She had unconsciously begun to use Kaoru's first name. He held her gingerly, feeling his heart begin to race a little faster. Why was she, all of a sudden, seeming so helpless? She continued crying into his shirt and he decided that he could not think while she was pressed up against him in such close contact. His head was becoming fuzzy.  
  
". . . tell me what to do."  
  
"I cannot order you around, Rei," he whispered. "This is for you to decide."  
  
He hoped he had told her the right thing.  
  
---- End of Chapter Two ----  
  
Thank you for everyone who reviewed and for those who helped me to understand the End of Evangelion. If I still have some facts wrong, can someone please tell me? I'm new to NGE so I don't know much about the content, like the SEELE and the human instrumentality and the Third Impact and what the hell are the Dead Sea Scrolls?.  
  
HELP IS APPRECIATED!!!!!  
  
Also, is Arael really the Angel that the lance of Longinus ran through, or was it Sahagiel? They were the only two Angels I remember to be in orbit at time of attack. I'm pretty sure it was Arael, but I just want to make sure. It's the one who attacked Asuka mentally, right?  
  
Anyway, please review and tell me if the chapter was absolute nonsense and bullshit or not. Anything will be appreciated.  
  
Bittersweet Angel!!!! 


	3. Chapter Three

Imperfection  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own NGE and Kaoru (or Kowaru) is BLOODY HOT!!!  
  
---- Chapter Three ----  
  
"Hey, Asuka, wanna walk home together?"  
  
Asuka looked from her best friend, Hikari, to the idiot Shinji. She really wanted to walk home with the class rep, but she had promised Shinji that she would go with him to Wondergirl's apartment this afternoon.  
  
"Sorry, Hikari," she sighed. "Idiot here forgot his house keys. I have to walk with him."  
  
"Oh - okay then," Hikari replied. She looked remotely disappointed. "I guess I'll have to walk by myself then. Unless - Oi, Toji!"  
  
Hikari left to bug the jock to walk her home. Asuka sighed and slumped in her seat. Today of all days, she had to help the idiot confess his feelings to First Child. Why her? Why did she have to stick her nose into his bloody problems? It was her own fault, if she had to blame anyone. She stared at Shinji, who was staring at Rei, who was staring out the window.  
  
"The idiot will have to be pretty darn grateful for what I'm giving up."  
  
--------  
  
She should tell him.  
  
Then again, maybe she shouldn't.  
  
What should she do?  
  
What would Kaoru say?  
  
Rei wasn't thinking about nothing as she stared out the window. This time, she was thinking about Kaoru. The one and only Kaoru, who was probably sitting in another classroom somewhere on the other side of town, the one who she lived with. She was thinking of him more often now.  
  
His deep, blood-red eyes which always sparkled with amusement. His cool, indifferent, light attitude towards almost everything. Then she blushed. She had cried on his shoulder last night, without even meaning to, and he had just let her. She had even called him by his first name! What would Kaoru think of her now?  
  
Her first priority should be Shinji. Shinji and the problem of whether or not she should tell him about the Third Impact and her involvement in it. She was filled with an uncomfortable feeling all of a sudden. Shinji was staring at her.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"N-nothing!" Shinji stammered, blushing. Rei hadn't even turned around to look at him. She was still staring out the window. "I-I was just going to ask whether you were going to headquarters after school."  
  
"No."  
  
"W-Well, okay then," he replied. "I guess I'll see you around."  
  
"Yes."  
  
--------  
  
Kaoru sat in his favourite place inside the apartment - against the wall - thinking. He was always thinking, especially with Rei not around to stare at him all the time. However, the only thing he could manage to think about right now was her and her behaviour last night. It was so unlike her to be in need of help, of comfort.  
  
She was falling in love with Shinji.  
  
She would cry for him, even when she did not usually show her feelings.  
  
Then why was it that he could do shake this feeling that she was more to him than a sister and a housemate? Why was it that whenever she talked to him, his heart began to thud uncomfortably like when she had her arms around him? He propped his forehead with the heel of his palm and shook his head.  
  
He couldn't think straight.  
  
He needed to concentrate on how to spend the rest of his life hiding from Shinji. That is, if Rei did not betray his continued existence to him first. Of course, she had sworn to secrecy about this, because she was part Angel herself. If she broke that promise, she would be betraying her own kin.  
  
The door bell rang twice.  
  
Kaoru looked up. Rei NEVER rang the door bell when she was home. She had the keys with her. He had a copy of those keys. He wondered who would be visiting at this time of day. The voice that spoke through the intercom made Kaoru go stiff.  
  
"Ayanami? It's me, Shinji."  
  
"Hey First Child."  
  
"What are they doing here?" Kaoru moaned quietly to himself. "How am I supposed to get myself out of this situation?"  
  
"Rei? Are you home?"  
  
--------  
  
Meanwhile, Rei had been waylaid by several alleyway bullies. She clutched her book bag tightly, though her face showed no signs of surprise or any other emotion, for that matter. They numbered six in all, outnumbering her by quite a few. Her mind went to the gun Commander Ikari had given to her.  
  
Should she draw it out and threaten them?  
  
Her mind warned her against doing so. After all, she was under-aged and the laws strictly forbid anyone who was so to carry a gun. She wouldn't want these big-mouthed, blundering idiots to tell the world she had a gun. But still, dead people couldn't talk, until the autopsy was written and handed in.  
  
"Ya wanna play with us, girlie?"  
  
"Girlie?" she repeated without much emotion.  
  
"Yea, girlie, we're talking to you," the leader sneered. "She's are a pretty 'un, dun ya reckon, Taka?"  
  
"Yea, dude, awful pretty 'un."  
  
Rei could have been sick with disgust at their foul accent. Her hands dropped her bag and went into the pocket of her dress (A/N: does their uniform HAVE pockets?!). They backed away slightly, but their perved grins returned when she failed to do anything. She had just finished her debate about whether to bring out the gun or not, when one of them lunged for her. She landed on the floor, him on top of her.  
  
"Now ya're mine!" he said gleefully.  
  
"Will you get off?"  
  
"No, I won't girlie," he replied, leaning close to maul her neck.  
  
There was a click and he froze. Her eyes were hard as he eased off her, freeing her legs. The gun was pointed directly at his heart. The others backed away quickly, all hopes of molesting this girl vanished.  
  
"I trust I do not need to tell all of you what you must do," she said quietly. "Do not speak of this incident, or you will find yourselves being molested by the dead."  
  
They scarpered off.  
  
--------  
  
"Is she home yet?" Asuka demanded, checking her watch.  
  
Ten minutes had passed already and there wasn't any sign of life inside the apartment. Shinji was worrying about Rei, however. She should have been back ages ago, since she wasn't going to headquarters. His heart froze. What if she had an accident inside the apartment and she was lying unconscious?  
  
"Rei?" he called urgently. "Rei? Are you in?"  
  
No answer. Shinji began to panic. He pounded on the door with enough force to break it down, but it didn't budge.  
  
"Rei!"  
  
His hand went to the doorknob. If she had had an accident, she wouldn't be able to reply. He had to take action himself. Asuka huffed impatiently and watched him battling with his conscience. He was even more deluded than she thought.  
  
"You've never hesitated to barge into a girl's room before, Ikari," she informed him. "Why should this time be any different? Just open the stupid door and get this done with!"  
  
--------  
  
"OPEN THE DOOR?!" Kaoru's mind screeched. "THEY WILL FIND ME HERE!"  
  
He had to hide.  
  
It didn't matter where, he just needed to hide. It was way too late for him to go and lock the door now. His damned foolishness! He KNEW Rei didn't lock the door if she was the last out in the morning. And it just happened that he needed to leave early too. How could he have believed that she would lock the door - and how could HE forget to check it was locked when he came back home?  
  
The doorknob turned.  
  
---- End of Chapter Three ---- 


	4. Chapter Four

Imperfection  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
A/N: I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been over six months since I last updated! I'm SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!! I was almost thinking to drop this one, but I didn't want to disappoint people.  
  
---- Chapter Four ----  
  
Rei turned the corner to where the apartments were. And froze. What were Shinji and Asuka doing in front of her flat? She started to walk towards them, when she remembered something important. Kaoru was in there! He was home!  
  
"Hey, Shinji! Your precious First Child's back!"  
  
Shinji, who was just about to open the door, turned around. Then he looked to the hand holding the doorknob and back again. And flushed in embarrassment. He didn't want to look like he was trying to enter her place without her permission. After all, it wasn't right. He looked into her garnet coloured eyes, which regarding him with something close to confusion.  
  
"Ayanami!" he squeaked. "I'm sorry! This isn't what it looks like!"  
  
He flushed, if possible, even redder as she approached them, book bag in hand. There was no saying how far he jumped when she passed him to the door. Asuka sighed noisily, shaking her head at his idiocy. Boys! What idiots!  
  
"Listen, Wondergirl," she snapped. "Third Child's here to tell you something. The least you could do is stop and listen to him. Did you hear what I'm saying?"  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"So?" Asuka nudged Shinji. "Get on with it."  
  
"R-Rei. . ."  
  
The other girl fixed him with a steady, impassive stare. Fidgeting nervously, Shinji managed to pry open his own mouth and let out a stream of near-incomprehensible words.  
  
"IREALLYLIKEYOUANDCANYOUGOOUTWITHME?!"  
  
--------  
  
Kaoru blinked. Did Shinji really say what he thought he said? After those words had sunk in, a small, half-smirk, half-smile worked its way onto his lips. Ah, the wonders of love. He wondered how Rei would react to it.  
  
Abandoning all thoughts about escaping, Kaoru edged closer to the door in attempt to listen-in on the conversation being held outside. He also found himself battling some strange little voice inside his own head and heart. One voice, the strange one, was saying: 'oh please, reject him, REJECT HIM!' and the other one were arguing back: 'no, say yes! SAY YES!' He surmised that the voices were talking about Rei.  
  
"Well, Wondergirl?" came Asuka's impatient voice. "What's your answer then?"  
  
SAY YES! SAY YES!  
  
REJECT HIM! REJECT HIM!  
  
He could hear Rei take a small breath, heart hammering in his chest and a wry smile playing on his lips. He couldn't read minds and so didn't know what Rei would choose to say, but he was sure it would affect him in some way or other. That was why he was standing as close to the door as he dared, trying to listen to her answer.  
  
"If it pleases you," her quiet voice said.  
  
Kaoru couldn't help but feel both elated and disappointed all at once. It was the answer he had expected her to give, but somehow actually HEARING it was so different. When the words left her lips, there was silence as both boys on either side of the door let the information sink in. Slowly, slowly, Shinji started to breathe again.  
  
"So that's a yes?" He said squeakily. "You'll go out with me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
--------  
  
Shinji blinked. Asuka blinked. Rei blinked.  
  
Then, slowly, Shinji let out the breath he had unconsciously been holding. It was like an enormous weight had been lifted from his chest and he began to smile - to grin and then his throat unhitched to let him speak again.  
  
"All right!" He exclaimed. "Thank you so much!"  
  
"I can't believe you just said 'yes' without asking the commander," Asuka said. "This must be some strange day."  
  
As for Rei, she wasn't feeling anything much, besides a little relaxed and calm. So she didn't have to make the first move after all. There had been also no point in her worrying about whether or not Shinji liked her. But he had also just placed his trust in her, which made guilt squirm in the pit of her stomach. If he found out her part in the Third Impact and all the secrets she had been keeping from him . . . he would be so angry and hurt.  
  
"So - um," Shinji began again, flushing beet red, "does seven o'clock, Saturday sound all right to you? Um - yeah, I mean - are you free at that time?"  
  
"I am."  
  
"All right, so um - see you then!"  
  
"Yes, see you then."  
  
Then Asuka gave a huge, exasperated sigh and dragged a lovesick Shinji away by the collar. He was still looking at Rei with the same expression he looked at her with in the classroom. Admiration and affection were all present within the soft gaze in his light brown eyes. Rei held that gaze for a few seconds, before turning to open the door to her apartment.  
  
"Come on, wake up Third Child!" Asuka's whip-like voice lashed through his daydreams about Rei. "We have to get home - there's a TV show I wanna watch."  
  
"Yes Asuka."  
  
--------  
  
Kaoru walked back to his favourite position against the wall and sat down. Outwardly, he couldn't keep himself from smiling at the ironic twist of fate. Of course, fate didn't exist and it was only their choices, which took them this far along the path, but it was also a good excuse to blame the mistakes they made on. It was a common term used by the lilims for a situation they couldn't find the cause to. They always blamed it on fate.  
  
He himself didn't believe in the existence of fate, only in destiny. Though when he came to think of it, there really wasn't that much difference between the two. Nevertheless, it was ever so amusing to think that both Rei Ayanami and Shinji Ikari would be having the same problems about each other.  
  
"You were listening, weren't you, Nagisa?"  
  
"That would be obvious," he replied, viewing her with amused eyes. "I am rather pleased Shinji harbours the same feelings towards you. This was, however, not unexpected. As I see it now, you will have no choice but to tell him the truth."  
  
"Commander Ikari has forbidden it," Rei replied tonelessly.  
  
His eyes followed her as she made her way across the simply furnished apartment to the desk. She set down her book bag on the tabletop and made for the shower. Kaoru couldn't help but notice just how perfectly she was formed, but stopped himself just before the thoughts got out of hand. He was not here to appreciate the beauty of a mortal.  
  
"If you must keep Shinji uninformed of intentions both NERV and SEELE have," he began, just before she went into the bathroom, "I suggest you be careful not to leave evidence."  
  
"I am undecided as to whether or not I will tell him," she said quietly. Her hand rested on the doorframe. "Perhaps I will."  
  
"You are in a difficult position, Rei," Kaoru said gently.  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"It is a matter of decision. Whether or not you tell him, it is your choice. Either way, he will be emotionally injured. It is a matter of decision - and injuring him sooner or later. Which will you choose?"  
  
Rei didn't answer, but stepped into the shower and closed the door. When she was out of earshot, Kaoru leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. The smile never left his lips, though his heart felt strangely bitter. He never really changed on the outside, but on the inside, he was always in turmoil with the emotions he kept at bay.  
  
Certainly, he was happy about Rei's decision to be with Shinji - she had finally found someone she felt for. But whenever he looked at her, heard her words of worry about Shinji, or thought about her, knowing that her heart belonged to another, his heart went cold.  
  
What was going on?  
  
---- End of Chapter Four ----  
  
A/N: AH GOMEN!  
  
I can't believe I haven't updated for so long! I just got so caught up with my other fics and forgot that I still had this one! Then I also lost my original plot for this story, so I'm making it up as I go, which is what I do with my other fics.  
  
If this was strange, if I've left something out and if this sucks/is done well:  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
Bittersweet Angel Chika 


	5. Chapter Five

Imperfection  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own NGE  
  
A/N: OMG. I've had a major block-out year for this fic, partly due to the fact that I haven't been watching Evangelion. So, just recently, I got out the tape that I recorded of the two movies, Death and Rebirth and End of Evangelion, to watch and got myself started on this chapter. There's also the reason that I don't understand all this instrumentality project, SEELE, NERV and Dead Sea Scroll stuff, not to mention the Third Impact and all. I'm only guessing things right now . . .  
  
ENJOY!  
  
---- Chapter Five ----  
  
When Asuka called closed her eyes to go to sleep that night, her mind was immediately bombarded with images. A doll, hanging from the ceiling. The whitewashed walls of an enclosed ward, drenched red because of the blood flooding her eyes. A pair of feet dangling in mid-air connected to a lifeless body dressed in hospital white.  
  
"Mommy! They chose me, mommy!" she heard herself shout gleefully.  
  
Not again . . .  
  
"I'm going to pilot Eva!" she continued.  
  
No . . .  
  
"I'm the best in the world! Look at me mommy!"  
  
NO!  
  
She sat up, drenched in cold sweat. Her heart was hammering painfully and she felt as if she had a splitting headache coming on. The muscles in her arms moved impulsively over her head, grabbing handfuls of her sweat drenched red hair, shaking uncontrollably. Voices, the same dreams over and over again, her mother's still form in mid-air. The pictures and sounds never left, plaguing her mind and tearing apart her very soul.  
  
Every time she closed her eyes that was what she saw. Her dreams were filled with these memories that refused to go away. At these times, she didn't want to be alone, but her pride didn't let her ask for help. If that idiot Shinji saw her like this . . . how was she to face the humiliation - knowing that he would discover her confidence was merely a façade.  
  
"Don't leave me alone," she whimpered, curling into a tight ball. "Don't leave me alone."  
  
"Where's mommy's little doll?"  
  
I'm not your doll.  
  
"They chose me mommy! Look at me!"  
  
I'm not a doll for you to play with.  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
--------  
  
Rei set the bow to her violin carefully. She normally didn't play, but when she did, it was always her favourite tune. Pachebel Cannon in D. For some reason, this particular piece soothed her and set her at ease. She drew the bow carefully, the first note filling the quiet room. Her mind immediately relaxed and fell into the gentle sway of things.  
  
Out of nowhere, the sound of a viola joined hers. She raised her eyes to see Kaoru across the room, eyes closed while his fingers glided over the strings. He held the viola like a professional, even if he had only started learning it when he took up a life at school. To say he was adept at it would be the understatement of the century.  
  
"You are feeling sad," he noted when they stopped playing. "I can hear it in your music."  
  
"Nagisa . . ." her monotonous voice had a frosted edge. "You are interrupting me."  
  
"I apologise. However, we are kin and as kin, I have a right to be concerned, if I may say so, for the wellbeing of you, who is born of Lilith, as I of Adam."  
  
She put her violin away and snapped the lid shut. Kaoru stood by the window, seemingly oblivious to what Rei was doing though his eyes told differently. They burned into her; it was almost like being under an X- ray. Sometimes Kaoru just didn't know how much he unnerved people with his blood red stare.  
  
"Pilot Ikari - Shinji - enjoys music," she said, as if that settled the discussion.  
  
"But do you?"  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Do you play music only because Shinji enjoys it?" Kaoru asked. "Or is it because you yourself find it enjoyable? What does your heart tell you?"  
  
She met his eyes levelly. They were the same, placid and yet penetrating red hues. Hers, she knew, were always shuttered - closed to everyone other than herself and the commander. But inside, she was confused. What was his purpose - his aim, asking her all these questions? What did it have to do with him, whether or not she enjoyed music because Shinji did? He was raising her doubts, whether he was aware or not.  
  
"I enjoy music," she said shortly.  
  
"That is good," he replied, turning back to the window. "I enjoy music as well."  
  
He raised the viola again and to play. Rei closed her eyes, relaxing, as the sad, slow tune of Thanatos filled the room.  
  
--------  
  
"Mr Nagisa?"  
  
Kaoru looked up when he heard his name being called. The homeroom teacher was standing next to his desk, a long ruler in his hand. The angel sighed. He was probably going to get in trouble for not paying attention or something equally unfair. It wasn't that he didn't try to pay attention, but it was so HARD, especially when the things they were being taught were all wrong.  
  
The events at the Second Impact . . . a meteor hitting Antarctica? Who in the world made up that kind of nonsense? Of course, his common sense told him that it would be better if he didn't correct them. Lilims wouldn't believe him.  
  
Speaking of lilims . . . the self-important bastard at NERV was in need of his services this afternoon. Of course, he would then have to find a way to enter headquarters without being seen by Shinji, use the quickest and most efficient way to converse with Gendo and then leave. It wasn't unusual for him, but he was getting tired of it.  
  
"Mr Nagisa," the teacher repeated. "Are you paying attention?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"We have received a message from the Department of Education to transfer you to Tokyo-3 Municipal High School," the teacher informed him. "You can further your studies there."  
  
Now he had Kaoru's attention. They wanted to transfer him to the same school as Shinji? But didn't that blasted commander order him far away from the pilot as possible? What was going on? Outwardly, he wore that same, confident smirk and said he understood. The teacher told him that he would be briefed about his transfer tomorrow morning and he would attend Tokyo-3 Municipal High School on the following Monday.  
  
"That is just another thing I would have to ask about," he mused.  
  
He knew that NERV was well aware of his situation, and yet they did nothing to prevent it. What could they possibly want? If he was to become a pilot again, that meant he would have to rejoin Shinji's class, which contained all students who were possible candidates to pilot Eva. That meant he would have to face him again.  
  
"What are you thinking, Gendo Ikari? You lilims are very strange creatures. I do not understand the way you think."  
  
---- End of Chapter Five ----  
  
A/N: I'M BACK! HAHAHAHA!  
  
I've lost the plot, so I made a new one. Some of this might not make sense so bear with me. I haven't written this for a LONG time. I love the Evangelion songs so I downloaded them and while I was listening, I had a sudden inspiration to write this fic again. Not to mention the fact that I've re-started reading Evangelion fics so I'm good and ready to start.  
  
REVIEW!  
  
Bittersweet Angel Chika 


	6. Chapter Six

Imperfection  
  
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN KAORU-SAMA! WAAAAH!  
  
A/N: I reckon the song 'Pachebel Cannon in D Major' is the best Evangelion song there is, besides Thanatos and the opening song. Oh, and Rei's theme is cool too.  
  
ENJOY!  
  
---- Chapter Six ----  
  
"We have no further use of you, Tabris."  
  
"So you are saying that by transferring me to Tokyo-3 Municipal High School and letting Shinji know that I am alive, you will be getting rid of me?"  
  
"More or less, that was what we were after."  
  
"You will destroy Shinji's sanity and future."  
  
"Whether or not he is insane, or has a future, it does not concern me."  
  
"You lie."  
  
Kaoru met the commander glare for glare. He was, to say the least, irritated by the commander's lack of care for his only son. When he was provoked, Kaoru knew he had the most unnerving and terrifying glare. It was also feared for its rarity of happening. It was just unfortunate that the NERV commander was at the receiving end.  
  
"The only thing that concerns me is the fate of humankind," Gendo replied coldly. "If it means sacrificing my son's future or his sanity – he is only one person."  
  
"You lilims are strange." A frown creased Kaoru's impeccable features. "You only look at the bigger picture. What happens to the smaller, the here and now, the finer details? They will only be destroyed."  
  
"The bigger picture is more important."  
  
"And yet the finer details are the things that make up the bigger picture."  
  
The frown had left Kaoru's face, but his eyes were still cold and hard. The commander was unrelenting, remaining stubbornly convinced that what he was doing was right.  
  
"You will transfer schools," he finally said. "No more questions."  
  
The finality in his tone told Kaoru the conversation was over. Now, no matter how many times he argued, Gendo would only turn a deaf ear. He would have to resort to other measures, which meant doing things his own way. But first, he would have to tell Rei, so the girl wouldn't mistake his transfer as a suicide attempt. She wouldn't talk to him again.  
  
"I hope you know that if anything happens to Shinji, Rei will also be affected."  
  
--------  
  
Asuka watched Shinji as the boy tugged on his pants, trying to shift them to a more comfortable position. He gulped several times and then ran to the kitchen to get a drink, his nerves making him more thirsty than usual. After a few trips to the bathroom, Asuka sat him down and yelled some sense into him.  
  
"It's a DATE you moron!" she shouted into his face. "One date! Calm DOWN!"  
  
"O-Okay."  
  
"Right." Asuka let go of his shoulders. "Now. The date's at seven, but you should be at her place a little earlier. It's polite. Normally, guys would have a car, but you're not old enough for one so you'll just have to walk. Mind you, don't walk too fast or you'll be red in the face when you get there. Ideally you'll have to bring a gift."  
  
Shinji gulped again. He'd forgotten, in his state of nerves, to buy Rei a present. Before he even started to panic, Asuka shoved something into his hands. It was a box, wrapped in vibrant red paper with a lacy gold bow on it. He gaped at her. The redhead shrugged.  
  
"I knew you'd forget so I made a little detour to a specialty store and picked this out. Any girl would want it and your First Child won't be an exception. It's now six forty so if you start walking, you'll get there in around fifteen minutes."  
  
"T-Thanks Asuka."  
  
"Just proves that I'm better than you, Third Child," she replied breezily.  
  
Shinji shrugged on his coat, checked his wallet for money and put on his shoes. All the while, Asuka stood at the kitchen door, watching him, a soft edge to the set of her mouth. Her eyes had a slightly haunted look in them, but she managed to cover it up with her frown. Shinji turned when he reached the door, and gave her a thumb up sign and a small wave.  
  
"Thanks heaps, Asuka," he said. "Couldn't have done it without you."  
  
"Just get your butt over there, you idiot," she snapped. "And be careful with the present!"  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
--------  
  
Rei, meanwhile, was sitting on the bed in her apartment, looking blankly at the floor. She had been made to wear a light blue one-piece dress and a thin, cream coloured cardigan with soft, black shoes for the date. Kaoru looked at her with satisfaction, admiring the clothing he had picked out for her specially. They were chosen to match her hair and albino complexion and the cardigan just further enhanced the ivory tone in her skin.  
  
"You will impress Shinji," he told her. "You look amazing."  
  
"Thank you – I guess." Rei studied her shoes.  
  
"Are you nervous?"  
  
"Should I be?"  
  
Kaoru shook his head with a smile, seated on the windowsill. His shirt was untucked, loose and two of the top buttons were undone. He had his hands in his trouser pockets and his hair was as unruly as ever. Just by looking at him, Rei could tell that the 17th Angel was hiding something. They weren't kin for nothing.  
  
"You will need to hide from Ikari," she noted.  
  
"Yes, that is true." The smile never left his face. "But there is no use for that any more."  
  
"Oh? Why not?"  
  
"Commander Ikari has given the order that I am to transfer back into your school again, on Monday. There is nothing further to say about this matter, only that we will have to brace Shinji for the revelation. He is, after all, psychologically unstable."  
  
Silence greeted this statement. Rei blinked impassively, not letting any emotion show on her face as she watched her kin. Kaoru leaned on the window frame, not bothering to say anything as he waited for her reaction. She blinked again before speaking.  
  
"You will kill Ikari," she said. Her voice was cold.  
  
"I know and I regret that," he replied, his eyes closed. "But I have no choice."  
  
"Why? Why must you be such a burden to us all?"  
  
Kaoru looked slightly surprised at Rei's words. To say the least, they hurt. He never realised how much impact everything she said to him made, until now. Her words were emotive, unchecked and certainly unexpected.  
  
"I am a burden to all humankind as long as I live. It is not my place to tamper with what has already been predetermined."  
  
"You are the 17th Angel, one who can destroy the world."  
  
"I am not God. Nor am I as powerful as my brethren are."  
  
"Angels are the perfect beings, just like the Eva."  
  
"I assure you, Rei, I am nowhere near perfect." It was Kaoru's voice that was cold and calculated now. "There are no such beings who are perfect. The word itself has no true meaning to it. Nothing and no one can be perfect in everyone's eyes."  
  
It was at this moment, the front door opened. Shinji's slight form slipped into the apartment, looking decidedly nervous. Rei and Kaoru froze in the middle of their debate, both staring fixedly at the newcomer. Slowly, the boy's eyes widened and Kaoru smiled sadly.  
  
"It's been a long time, Shinji."  
  
"K-Kaoru . . ."  
  
---- End of Chapter Six ----  
  
A/N: ah CLIFFY!  
  
I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, but I was so busy with everything and homework and Yugioh and Beyblade, I just didn't have enough time!  
  
Unfortunately, I must say you cannot expect to see chapter seven anytime soon, though I'll be working on it in the background of my Yugioh fics.  
  
REVIEW and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
  
Relinquished (yes, I changed my name) 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Imperfection**

Disclaimer: I don't own NGE and, at the rate I'm updating this fic, I don't deserve to either.

A/N: isn't this about time? Hehe, yeah, I'm really sorry about the late update of this fic and all. I want to make up excuses, but I don't think that's fair to all you readers out there. I'm lazy, and that's the only thing I have to say for myself right now. Sorry again and hope you enjoy.

---- Chapter Seven ----

"It's been a long time, Shinji."

"K-Kaoru . . .?"

Shinji felt numb as he stared at his former best friend. Former, because he had killed this best friend. Killed, meaning he was supposed to be _dead_, not sitting on Rei's windowsill, smiling at him. The present Asuka had prepared for him to give to Rei slipped out of his fingers and onto the floor.

"Ikari . . . Shinji . . ." Rei murmured softly. Shinji cut her off.

"H-How did this happen . . .?" he asked. "Why . . . you're dead, Kaoru. You're dead . . . dead people aren't supposed to be here . . ."

"I am not human Shinji, remember?" Kaoru said. "I am the 17th Angel, Tabris, who is still very much alive and well."

"No, this isn't happening . . . THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!" Shinji yelled, voice cracking as he wailed in a high-pitched tone. "YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!"

Kaoru closed his eyes, the smile fading only a little. He stood up and left his place on the windowsill, walking over to the cowering and wailing teen. Shinji backed away, hands over his head, covering his face. Sweat poured off him in small rivers, cascading down his face and dripping onto his clothes.

"I am alive, Shinji."

The Angel held out a hand to him, coaxing him to touch it.

"No – no! I SAW YOU DIE! I SAW YOUR BODY! YOU'RE DEAD!"

"Ikari," Rei tried again. Shinji turned his stricken eyes to her. "The 17th Angel is still alive and standing before you. The one you killed was an imposter, sent in by Commander Ikari to take his place. You never killed the 17th."

"But why would – would my father do something like that?"

Rei hesitated, though she watched Shinji impassively. She could not explain to him what the commander thought, because even she didn't know why he had created a decoy of Tabris. The part inside her that helped her feel emotions was currently overflowing her system with pain, guilt and slight confusion. Her crimson eyes wandered over to Kaoru for answers.

The Angel did not turn to look at her, but kept his blood-coloured eyes focused entirely on Shinji. The teen was on the verge of hysteria, sweat now mixed with tears as he backed into the door he had shut upon his entrance. Somehow deducing that he had no way out, Shinji slid down the wood of the door, collapsing in a crumpled heap on the floor.

"The commander could not afford to initiate the Third Impact," Kaoru explained calmly. He held Shinji's eyes. "It was delayed. But if I were destroyed, then the Third Impact would be initiated. At that point in time, as I approached Central Dogma, Rei was sent after me and I switched places with the decoy. You did not notice, as you were preoccupied with fighting Unit 02. When you came, you took the decoy as me and killed him instead."

"But – but . . . why did you keep it from me?"

"No one was supposed to know," Rei explained. "I was supposed to take care of him and no one would ever know he was still alive. In the meantime, he would work for NERV and help Doctor Akagi with the systems."

"So you knew?" Shinji said brokenly. "You _knew_ and you didn't _tell me_?"

"I – Shinji . . ."

"DON'T TALK TO ME!" Shinji screamed, glaring at her wildly. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR EXCUSES! YOU ALL LIED TO ME! YOU _KNEW_ HE WAS STILL ALIVE REI AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!"

He took a deep breath, pausing in his ranting. Kaoru and Rei looked decidedly guilty, though it was hard to tell with their usual impassiveness. Shinji reached out to grab the red packaged gift from where it had fallen near his feet. He scrambled to his feet, wrenching the door open, and ran outside, slamming the door shut behind him.

--------

_They all lied to me . . . they all used me._

Shinji ran down the street, heedless of all the traffic and the people surrounding him. His normally soft blue eyes were tear-filled and growing colder and harder by the minute. Pain and a sense of betrayal filled him as he recalled how Rei and – and _Kaoru_, of all people, lied to him.

_How could they do this to me?_

_/ They want to hurt you, like your father /_

_No! Rei isn't like that! And neither is Kaoru!_

He continued to run blindly along, one hand clutching the present he had intended to give to Rei. There was no use for it now. He would give it to Asuka instead. There wasn't any way he would trust them – _ever._

Finally, his tired legs slowed to a stop. He looked up and his eyes grew sad again. In front of him was the place where he had first met Kaoru. This was where he had stood, after a deadly fight with his best friend, contemplating life and his duty as an Eva pilot. He turned and saw the same place where Kaoru had sat, humming to himself, seemingly content to just watch the water in the sunlight. What was the song he hummed? Oh yes, 'Ode to Joy'.

How could you not tell me you were alive, Kaoru? I thought I was your best friend. How could you and Rei do this to me?

I love you Shinji

_Was it all a lie, Kaoru? Did you not love me at all? I don't understand._

_/ They want to see you break and die /_

No . . . no . . . Kaoru and Rei aren't like that! They must have wanted to help me! But – but why didn't they tell me? Don't they trust me? Am I that pathetic?

He yelled hoarsely at the voices fighting in his mind. Which could he trust? Dropping the present unintentionally, he clutched at his head, willing the voices to be silent. His head was starting to throb painfully and he could do nothing to stop it. The whole world was against him and he was helpless.

"NO! I'M NOT HELPLESS!"

/ Yes you are. No one loves you in this world. Not your father, or Kaoru or even Misato. You're alone and helpless. No one's going to see you as anything but a tool /

"A tool . . .? Is that all I am?" Shinji breathed through his tears. "I'm . . . a helpless, worthless tool . . .? WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE TOOL? I'M A PERSON – A HUMAN BEING! I HAVE FEELINGS TOO! I DON'T WANT TO BE A TOOL!"

He collapsed in a heap, sobbing brokenly. After a while, he managed to curl himself into a tight ball, knees tucked into his chest and head buried inside. He rocked back and forth, muttering, whispering and sobbing to himself.

"I'm not a tool . . . I'm not a tool . . ."

"Shinji?"

--------

If someone told Asuka that she would see Shinji on her walk by the river, she would have laughed and told him or her that Shinji was very happy on his date with the First Child. So she walked along, unaffected by the sudden depression that had filled the air. Not knowing what was wrong, she continued to walk.

"I'm not a tool . . . I'm not a tool . . ."

She stopped and stared at the person she was just about to pass. It was Shinji, in a heap on the ground, whispering and muttering to himself like a delusional madman. By his side was the present she had given to him to give to the First Child, untouched and still securely wrapped. Instantly, her woman's intuition told her that something was very wrong.

"Shinji?"

When he didn't answer, she nudged him with her foot.

"Shinji Ikari, are you going to sit there feeling sorry for yourself?" she asked.

"Asuka . . .?"

Shinji finally turned his eyes up to look at her. She was surprised to see them all red and blotchy, showing that he had been crying for a while. His hair was tousled by the number of times he had raked through them with his fingers. She sighed at his pathetic state, looming over him.

"What went wrong this time, Ikari?" she snapped.

"K-Kaoru . . . he's still alive," Shinji hiccupped. "They l-lied to me Asuka! They k-kept it from m-me! They used me like I was – like I was a tool!"

"You are a tool," she snarled. "You are the most pathetic excuse for a human being I've ever seen, Ikari. I can't believe NERV is leaving the fate of the world in your hands, when I have proved to be better than you in _everything_. You let yourself be used by others and then look around asking why!"

"Not you too, Asuka . . . I – you're turning against me too?"

"Get this straight, Ikari: I was _never_ on your side. You will always be my rival." Here, she glared at him. "That's all you're good for, anyway. So if you don't pick yourself up off your sorry ass and take this like a man, then you're definitely not good for anything!"

She stomped off, fuming at his uselessness. Why did he always have to run to others with his problems? It wasn't like she had nothing better to do than to play nice counsellor for the disturbed teen. She scowled. He should learn to face his own problems, like she had.

"You're – right . . . Asuka." Shinji's voice broke through her angry thoughts. "I should stand up and take it . . . like a man."

He raised himself off the ground as she turned and faced him. He wiped the last traces of his tears away violently with the back of his hand, glaring at the shimmering water. She watched him contemptuously, folding her arms over her chest and regarding him with distaste.

"I'll show them I'm not a tool. And then I'll _kill them_!" he shouted. "I'll kill them all! I'm not pathetic and I'm not worthless!"

"Do what you want then."

She turned to go, chest feeling lighter than before.

"And Asuka . . .?"

"Yes?"

" . . . Thank you."

---- End Chapter Seven ----

A/N: FINISHED CHAPTER SEVEN!

I don't know if I'm going out of character now. I haven't watched NGE for _ages_ . . . and that's saying a lot. Perhaps a year or so. I don't know, but it certainly feels like ages since I've watched it. Ugh, I have to get back into this fic so I can finish it!

So . . . hated it? Liked it? Comments?

REVIEW!

Relinquished


	8. Chapter Eight

**Imperfection**

Disclaimer: I don't own NGE and if I did, then people wouldn't be harrying me to finish this fic.

A/N: Whoops, that last chapter was extra-short, wasn't it? Not very fair to any of you readers. Sooo . . . I decided to make up for it with this extended chapter eight (twice the length of my normal chapters for this fic), okay? Hope it makes up for my slow updating and short chapter seven. Gomen nasai minna!

Oh yeah, this may be the last chapter, because I am running out of things to write about for this fic. I'm really sorry! If it isn't, then this fic may go on for, at the most, two more chapters.

---- Chapter Eight ----

_I hate them. I hate them. I hate them._

Shinji barely heard Dr Akagi's voice as he sat inside Unit 01. His mind was focused entirely on Kaoru, his betrayal, and on Rei. The said albino was currently watching him from where Dr Akagi and Misato were standing, silently. She couldn't meet his eyes.

_She lied to me. Of all people, she lied to me._

"Are you feeling all right, Shinji?" Misato's worried voice asked.

"Shinji?" Dr Akagi echoed.

"I'm . . . fine," he answered slowly. There was a steel edge in his voice. "I'm fine. What is it this time?"

"Another Angel," the major replied hesitantly. "Shinji . . . the 17th you destroyed was . . ."

"A fake, I know," he cut in, venom dripping. "I know. Kaoru is still alive."

Misato bit her lip worriedly. Whenever Shinji was quiet and his voice crisp, it meant trouble. He was under too much psychological pressure. She looked at Ritsuko, whose fingers were flying over the keyboard. The blonde scientist was frowning.

"Are you ready, Shinji?"

"Yes, I am." The words seemed to have been bitten out. "Let's do it."

"Rei . . . did something happen to Shinji yesterday?" Misato asked the quiet albino. "He didn't seem natural when he came home last night, with Asuka. Weren't the two of you supposed to go on a date or something?"

"Major Katsuragi, I – I don't know what you mean."

"Look, Rei, something happened last night," Misato said, patience running thin. "I know it, because I _know_ Shinji. He's not acting right. I also know that you can tell me what's going on with him. Is it to do with the 17th?"

Before Rei could answer, commotion had erupted in the control centre.

"We're under attack!"

"AT field has been detected!"

"PATTERN BLUE!"

"EVERYONE TO BATTLE STATIONS!" Misato roared above the shouts. "PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ATTACK!"

She turned back to Rei, who was looking on impassively. Nothing seemed to faze the girl.

"We'll deal with this later," she said curtly.

--------

Inside Unit 01, Shinji gripped the controls tightly, gritting his teeth. This was it. There was no more Unit 02 to get in his way. Unit 00 was out of action. This was his final confrontation with Kaoru. There was nothing stopping him this time.

The holdings were released and Unit 01 was moved to the launch pad. He knew he had perfect synchronisation with his Eva. In fact, his synchronisation ratio was beyond anything he had ever achieved before. This time, he was going to _annihilate_ the last of the Angels.

"Are you ready Shinji?"

There was nothing else left.

"Let's do this, Misato. I'm ready."

"Good luck." Misato raised her voice over the din of the machinery. "EVA LAUNCH!"

He settled more comfortably in his unit as it was launched at breakneck speed. He would end this now. No one – _no one_ would ever think to use him as a tool after this. Unit 01 shot through the last barrier and came to the surface of the ground. And he caught sight of his opponent.

"Kaoru . . ."

Calm as always, Kaoru Nagisa hovered in mid air, less than twenty feet away. The buildings had been withdrawn and all the people in the city had been sent to the shelters, under the impression that there was another bombing. His lips twitched in the slightest hint of a smirk. Lilims were foolish.

"You're ahead of schedule, Kaoru," Shinji said, voice unusually harsh. "But that doesn't matter any more. I'll finish you off like I did all the other Angels."

"You lilims are very strange," Kaoru commented. "Your attitudes change so quickly all the time."

"It's all thanks to you!" Shinji yelled in a strained voice. "If it weren't for your – your _betrayal_, I wouldn't be where I am now!"

"I suppose it is time to finish this."

"Damn right it is."

Blue met crimson in a silent challenge. Shinji glared at the Angel, his former best friend, the one who had claimed to love him. There was a fire in his blue eyes that burned harshly.

--------

"This is it," Misato whispered. "It's the final showdown."

Rei felt her heart beat painfully fast. She clutched the chest of her uniform in pain as her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't breathe. What was wrong with her? Something . . . something inside her didn't want to see this battle carried out. She needed to stop it.

"I need to stop this," she said quietly. "I need to get out there."

"No, Rei, it's too dangerous."

"But Major Katsuragi . . ."

"Rei, this is the first time you've challenged authority." Dr Akagi looked at her strangely. "If you feel you must go, then I will have Unit 00 prepared."

"Ritsuko!"

"Misato, I think that the commander would want this," Dr Akagi said flatly. "Rei's been rather aloof lately and I believe the commander would want her to show that she's still obedient to him."

They both looked at Rei, who returned their look with an emotionless one. Behind those blank orbs, Rei was getting worried very quickly. If she didn't stop them, either Shinji or Kaoru would get hurt. She didn't want either of them to.

"Get suited up then, Rei," Misato said abruptly. "We'll prepare Unit 00."

--------

"I can't believe you're going out there, Wondergirl."

Asuka glared at the albino. Rei continued to walk past her, unaffected by the German girl's words. Not one to be ignored, Asuka trailed her to the change room.

"You're playing a dangerous game here," she continued. "You're going to see one of them killed. Then we'll see how wonderful you _really_ are."

"I don't care." Rei slipped out of her clothes, pulling out her suit. "Now please, leave me alone."

--------

"Shinji! His AT field is too strong! Find another way to get past it!"

The teen ignored Misato's agitated voice, his eyes still burning that same hatred. From twelve feet away, Kaoru hovered just above a building, watching him with his blood-coloured eyes. There was a sad, distant expression within them, a reluctance to 'take care' of Shinji once and for all.

Shinji gritted his teeth. He had ripped apart AT fields before, so why should this be different? He would rip apart this AT field as well and when he did, he would crush Kaoru inside his hand. Like he had done with the decoy.

Everyone who claimed to love me before has betrayed me. My father, my old 'friends' . . . and now Rei and Kaoru. I can't take this anymore! From now on, I won't let ANYONE betray me and get away with it!

"If this will make any difference in the way you feel, Shinji . . ." Kaoru's voice was soft, "I never intended to hurt you."

"Then why? Why did you and Rei lie to me?"

"We had no choice." The Angel flew closer. "My decoy once said that death is sometimes the only way out. It is true, to an extent, but only if there is nothing else to live for in your life. I had thought, at the time, that I had nothing. As I face you now, seeing the hatred in your eyes, perhaps now I have truly lost everything. Back then, I had you and Rei to live for – I love you both dearly and I had hoped to be with you longer than those few days we had known each other."

"You said you _loved me_," Shinji hissed.

"No, Shinji, I _love_ you," Kaoru corrected gently. "I love you as God loves his people, and I always will. My love for you is never something to be referred to in the past tense because it will always be here."

The fire in Shinji's eyes dimmed. Kaoru always had his reasons for doing something. Those reasons often sounded like excuses, as elusive and as vague as they were, but they were reasons.

He was a child, to believe that when Kaoru had said 'I love you', he meant that he loved him in a physical sense. No, Kaoru's love went deeper than that. This love was all physical, emotional and spiritual. He loved him as a person and as a child of God, flaws and all. As God loved humans, Kaoru loved him. This was true, unconditional love.

"So . . . you didn't . . ."

"If you feel that Rei and I have betrayed you, then we have," Kaoru said, sounding as wise as he usually did. "We cannot change what you think or feel."

--------

Gendo Ikari frowned at the scene playing out before his eyes. Why wasn't Shinji destroying the 17th Angel? This wouldn't do. In order to gain the power of God, the creator, he needed the Angels dead. Shinji was not doing as he ordered. Neither, come to speak of it, was Rei.

He had created Rei so that she would obey his orders. She was now getting ready to go into battle against his order of staying put and letting Shinji take care of the situation. He had strictly forbidden her to take any action in this matter. He needed to know that, in the end, _he_ would be the one gaining the power of God and not someone else. For that, he needed to make sure Rei was on his side. But it showed now, obviously, that she wasn't.

Still, he had one last chance to get what he wanted. He needed to eliminate all possibilities of betrayal. That meant he needed to get rid of Tabris and of the current Rei. He had one last shell her soul could be transferred into. There, she would be reprogrammed to obey his commands. She would not remember that she had disobeyed orders and got away with it.

And in order to destroy them, he needed Unit 01.

"Activate the Dummy Plug System."

--------

The inside of the Eva, the cockpit, erupted in red light. Shinji looked around frantically, trying to understand just what was going on. He hadn't touched any of the controls, so why would there suddenly be all this red light?

Activate Dummy Plug.

"NO!" he shrieked, once he had discovered what had happened. "NO! FATHER! STOP THIS!"

The last time he had experienced the Dummy Plug, he had caused one of his best friends to die. It proved to be traumatic. He couldn't let the system kill Kaoru as well. He didn't want Kaoru to die. He couldn't . . .

Unit 01 jerked into action. She (A/N: I'm referring to Unit 01 as a 'she' because – well, I feel like it) stumbled forward and then began charging at Kaoru, who looked relatively unfazed. He threw up his AT field, stronger than ever, which repelled the Eva. Unfortunately for Shinji, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't resist the Dummy Plug.

"FATHER STOP IT!" he screeched. "STOP IT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN! NO! PLEASE FATHER! GET IT TO STOP! DAMMIT! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME? STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

In front of him, Kaoru stiffened. Shinji looked around to see the cause of the Angel's surprise. Unit 00 had just been launched onto the battlefield and was walking towards them.

"Rei, NO!" Shinji screamed. "GET BACK! YOU'LL BE KILLED!"

But Unit 00 kept walking. Inside the cockpit, Rei also looked determined. She couldn't let Unit 01 destroy Kaoru. The Angel narrowly avoiding being skewered by the blade the purple Eva had produced, al the while still staring at Rei. Shinji had felt helpless many times in his life, but never as helpless as this. His Eva was under his father's ruthless control and would kill anything that got in its way. Meaning it would kill Unit 00 and Kaoru.

"Rei . . ." Kaoru said, raising his voice slightly. "Get out of here."

"No, I can't." Rei's voice was quiet. "This is my fault. I have to help you."

"This is foolishness, Rei. Only one will die in this battle today and that one isn't you. Listen to me, Rei and go back."

As Unit 01 took this opportunity to attack Kaoru again, Rei leapt forward with Unit 00 and intercepted the attack. She had a firm grip on the blade, which was only inches away from the Eva's side. Shinji banged his fists on the controls, tears of frustration gathering in his eyes.

In a slow, forced movement, Rei pushed back the other Eva and drew out her own weapon, concealed in her hands.

"An N2 Mine," Kaoru breathed. "Rei . . ."

"STOP IT!" Shinji screamed as Unit 01 launched itself forward again.

"Go back, Rei," Kaoru ordered, voice suddenly hard. "Don't risk your life."

"No."

Rei charged headlong into Unit 01, knocking her down into the nearest building. Shinji cried out in pain. Gritting her teeth, Rei leapt on top of the purple Eva, N2 mine still clutched in her hands. It was ten seconds away from exploding.

Kaoru sped forward.

--------

_Am I dead?_

Rei looked around her. Everything looked as if it had been submerged in water. There were ripples everywhere she looked, and the sunlight came down in wavering beams from overhead. Her voice echoed as her thoughts projected, filling the vast space in this unknown place.

_Where is this place? Where am I?_

/ You are in the world that separates life and death /

The beams of sunlight shone into her line of vision, temporarily blinding her. She brought a hand up to shield her eyes. The voice continued to speak from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

So I am dead . . .

_/ In a way, yes, but not quite. There is still a part of you in life that awaits your return /_

_But what happened?_

_/ Another took your sacrifice in your place /_

_Kaoru . . .? Or Shinji . . .?_

/ You will know in time. For now, your place is not here. Go back to where you belong. Leave be what you do not need to know. When the time comes, everything will become clear /

The world spun around her and she felt as if she were falling into a vast hole. Flashes – scenes – pictures passed her by. They were her memories from this life . . . of Shinji, Asuka . . . and Kaoru. Each one disappeared as soon as they had appeared, leaving her mind and her memories just one, long stretch of black.

--------

"Ayanami? Rei? Wake up!"

She stirred, frowning. Why did she feel so strange? She opened her eyes, only to see a whitewashed ceiling. Where was this place? Her own body felt so strange as she sat up, only to discover she was in bed.

This apartment . . . she instantly knew it belonged to her. There was a familiar sense in this place, like she knew what it was before she had even seen it properly. The littered, filthy floor; the messy desk and the medicine tray and . . .

. . . the fresh scent of roses.

"Ayanami? Are you feeling all right?"

She turned to look at the speaker, a boy around fourteen or so, with brown hair and blue eyes. He was blushing faintly as he spoke to her, concern in his wide and innocent hues. He seemed oddly familiar, and yet she could not put a name to him.

"Yes I am," she said slowly, quietly.

"Oh, that's good," the boy laughed slightly, relieved. "Uh – you don't mind me coming in here, do you? I mean, the door was open and all . . ."

"No, I don't mind." She paused, frowning. "I was not ordered to."

He blinked in confusion. As he did so, she pulled back the thin covers on her bed and brought her feet down to rest on the cold floor. Standing up, she walked past the boy and moved quietly, slowly around to the window. Something in the back of her mind tugged on her, forcing her to remember that someone – or something – used to always sit here. Then her eyes caught something placed carefully on the windowsill.

A single, long-stemmed, red rose.

It was as if she had no control over her own body. As she reached out with a shaky hand to touch it, the tears started to fall. They coursed down her pale cheeks, even if her expression did not waver. She touched the velvety petals, a feeling of recognition in her heart.

She winced as a thorn pricked her finger.

There are no such beings that are perfect. The word itself has no true meaning to it. Nothing and no one can be perfect in everyone's eyes.

---- End ----

A/N: Well, whaddya know? I'm done! After all that wondering what in the world I was going to write . . . I finished!

I'll leave you to guess what happened in the end! It was rather obvious if you ask me. But I have to say that the time that the fic ended was NOT the same time that the fic BEGAN, okay? As in, the timeline kinda . . . changed.

That's all I'll let you know! You can review me with your theories on how I ended my fic. Sooo . . .

REVIEW!

Relinquished


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